May 5
DISILLUSIONMENT
Have you ever been disillusioned? Walking with God is saturated in as much mystery as it is in knowledge. In neither case do we ever experience or understand it all. About the time we think we have a handle on any issue, God obliterates that handle and we crash back to Earth to regroup and find a fuller, more complete meaning to His ways. Sometime the crash is so hard we are grateful to walk away alive.
God has to allow this to happen to end our illusions - like when we think that we think like Him. Illusions are limitations we form from unrealistic expectations. These become a limitation, because we expect God will do things in certain ways. Without knowing it these illusions actually limit our understanding of God.
For those of you, who like me, have asked God to let you deeply know Him, we have in effect asked for all of our illusions to be broken – whew - that is painful. I do not think God enjoys our pain, but He loves us too much to allow our life to be shaped by choices we make from illusions.
I’ll admit I do not like my illusions coming to an end. Here I am thinking I am ready to “lock and load” and instead I “crash and burn.” It is humbling and sometimes humiliating, my self-worth is often shattered, and I want to crawl into some hole and spend the rest of my life there. Here, in the crash and burn of disillusionment He reminds us once again that His ways are far above ours.
One cannot be disillusioned without having an illusion. Illusions are mirages, and are never real, though we act like they are. It is for this reason He has to allow the crash. It ends our way of errant thinking, and starts an entirely new, and more accurate way of thinking. One that will lead us to our life’s purpose.
The reason the crash is so painful is that in our mind, illusions are perfect and because we understand that which is perfect we are one step closer to perfection ourselves. Further, in illusions we have a sense of control and power after all we understand some facet of the mystery of God. With the crash, our utopian illusion has reached its end and we are faced with the uncertainty of what we are yet to know, and yet to understand. In one moment of time, God reveals just how high His ways are above ours.
Actually this is a great moment. Truth can now make its way into our lives and we are free to find it as we search for it with all our hearts. I have found that I am never too old to have an illusion and to be disillusioned. I have also found that wisdom awaits us on the other side.
Perhaps something or somebody has disillusioned you. You may even feel God has. If so, then it is good that perception came to an end. God wants to reveal the truth so the rest of your life can be built on something tangible and not the illusion you built and you thought you could trust.
There is no illusion in Him to be disillusioned with. He is absolute in all His ways.
Blessings,
John Paul
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Good Lord, that sounds like the story of my life…
Sounds like one of those days that I just want to die…sometimes, more out of shame than anything else…
Blessings…
I needed this John Paul. As the Lord implodes my disillusions, I continue to blame myself for failure for even having them. But your words say that “this is a great moment.” In my mind, I can rationlize to have the fiction blown away is a great thing; but in my heart I am deeply saddened when this happens. I feel like anything but a warrior. During these times, it feels as though the closer I get to God, the farther away I feel from Him. I feel as though “Failure” is across my forehead. Your words encourage me because they remind me, I am only human, and as the saying goes “Be patient with me… God is not finished with me yet.” Thank you again for sharing. Laura
Illusions deceive. They play tricks on the senses and our minds believe something is what it is not. They can be false ideas or beliefs. Behind all the smoke, mirrors, and pyrotechnics we find that we have been fooled again.
When one believes an illusion, that person can be upset or angry when confronted with the Spirit of Truth.
Maybe we should ask these questions more often… “Is my mind playing tricks on me?” or “Do my eyes deceive me?”
I agree, when we have crashed into the foundation stone and find ourselves humbled there is great opportunity to mature. 2 Tim 2.25, Titus 1.1
God bless
David
John, I think your post fails to nail down or acknowledge the other side of the disillusionment coin. That point being when we can’t recover from the crash and burn of our disillusionment.
As you rightly point out that our walks are saturated with mystery as much as knowledge, we often don’t understand the source or cause of some of our problems. And more times than not, because we deal more with the mystery than the knowledge, we often incorrectly diagnose the true issue(s) at play.
Life is rarely as simplistic as a single disillusioned issue between God and us. Usually the norm is more complicated, involving other people, ourselves and a belief God is in control of all. Add on some damaging play by the devil, and it becomes very hard in serious cases to sort out what’s going on.
IMHO, in cases of dashed illusions, we go from one flawed understanding to other. The spiritual realm is another world in all practicality. Few are conditioned to really see the other side at work in this natural realm on a day to day basis. And because of this, humans can misplace fault. How many times have you seen someone blame the devil for something that was that persons fault? Or vice versa?
In cases were the pain is strong and the disillusionment is deep, i.e. cultic practices, deception, etc, diagnosing the situation is extremely difficult. Once someone understands they are being deceived, or whatever root cause, everything they perceive gets filtered through that lens. All information, therefore, can become tainted.
And to be clear, cultic practices and deception exist along a continuum. They are not these very rare situations of freaky, crazy stuff. The less severe activities are in play on a daily basis. And we deal with them all the time and don’t realize it.
I went through something about 10 years ago, that, to this day, I have yet seen an explanation for. It involved all the players — God, me, other believers and the enemy. It was pure deception and disillusionment. It involved immaturity about the prophetic and cultic subtleties of the renewal movement. That time has had a permanent change on my walk. I am not as close to God. Frankly, I am quite disinterested.
There are times when you crash and burn and all you really do is just crash and burn. There isn’t a Mary Poppins ending where we stand up, dust ourselves off and say okay lets move on. I hope the gospel is not that shallow.
What happens after you crash and burn and decide, “You know what? That was a little too painful, a little too much work and just a little to hard to want to do again. I give up!”
Could this be one of the reasons why some areas of our lives seem to be stagnant? Or maybe things are moving right along but we aren’t really going anywhere….like believing we are running on a path when we’re really running on a treadmill. We can run a long time on disillusionment and when the grace of God intervenes, our disillusinment can nearly break us. Fear can start to creep in to the point where we are afraid to get back up and running for fear that we will just hop on the treadmill without even knowing it. Disillusionment is a costly consequence.
I really hope that God will expose any disillusionment in my life and that He will give me the grace to overcome because my heart is ready to serve Him in everything. As Misty Edwards quotes in one of my favorite songs “Baptize My Heart, — “I don’t want to be offended when it’s all coming down”.
John Paul:
I have some questions pertaining to dillusionment:
Now that you are talking on disillusionment an example that I have come up with is the reception of revelation.
Regarding the reception of revelation for example, can one be deceived by revelation from the Lord if it is acted upon in an untimely manner and/or out of season?
Is the actual receiving of the revelation absolute or is there a deeper truth inside of the revelation that is absolute in accordance to the season of the actual fullfillment of that particular revelation?
Under what conditions does a revelation become a deception to the individual who receives it from the Lord and what can we do as responsible believer’s in order to make sure that a revelation coming from the Lord is acted upon in a timely manner.
Blessings!
Shirley
Brian, I did crash and burn and give up. I know to a degree what you mean. I thought I would never come back to God. I was so disillusioned I felt at times I could not lift my little finger. I could not utter a breath towards God let alone a prayer. I thought it was over between us. Having never NOT been a Christian I tested the world to see if there was something out there appealing and filling. How frustrating!
God knew the devastation I was to experience and He knew I would give up. He knew I would turn from Him. Evidently, those experiences which led to my disillusionment were not meant to get rid of me. That was not His intention. I didn’t know His intentions or I would not have ended up in that situation in the first place! I assumed His character, behavior, and intentions. My assumptions were destroyed along with my idea of who He was.
In the devastation of my disillusionments I felt I lost most things important in life…and the reason for life! What a death! To my surprise and astonishment, He came to me. He popped in one day (since I’ve been coming to this blog I might add) and changed something in me I cannot even perceive. There were no bells or whistles….just some intangible change. And here I am! I am on fire again like I hadn’t been in about 8 years.
If something is truly dead it cannot revive itself. You can’t pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going. I tried for many years, by brute force, to keep moving. Something all along was dying in me. Then when I was dead, he came and gave life. I know people prayed for me so I will pray that you too may have that spark of revival with God. In so doing, I also pray that you far exceed any measure of relationship with Him you’ve known in your life up until now.
Am I smart enough for this site? Thanks for defining what I am going through….it is painful and I hope that it makes more sense at some point. I wonder how many illusions I really have? I have been wondering if I’ve ever really known Him at all! I want intimacy with Him, but I think that I am really deeply afraid of His power!! I sometimes feel that I would surely meet the same fate as Uzzah. Thanks be to God for Jesus Christ our Lord!!!
Wow !!!!!!! How true !!! And you inadvertently interpreted a dream I’ve been mulling over for about 9 years.
I, for one, appreciate the time you spend on Coffee Talk. It’s a priviledge, not a right….. If you need a break, we understand. I cannot tell you how many times you’ve added another line to what my Pastors have laid. Thank you, JPJ.
Tormenting spirits leave now in Jesus’name all this head stuff we are the head and not the tail we are seated in heavenly places with the mind of Christ our hearts are soft not stone we forgive and release the pain to Jesus who became our pain we are released now shout to the Lord it breaks the heavy yoke when you shout to the Lord put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness it has to go a night spent in tears joy in the morning beauty for ashes from the crash and burn thank you Father for setting us free who the son sets free is free indeed deep calls to deep we love you Father SHALOM
“Illusion” as defined by Ultralingua Online Dictionary
1. An erroneous mental representation
2. Deception by creating illusory ideas
3. Something many people believe that is false
Wow, sounds a lot like a stronghold. Thanks for yet another powerfully insightful post.
Z
To what lengths would we go to save a loved one. To what heights would we go to rescue a hurting family…
To what degrees will we bleed for Him?
Only the future will answer that question, only todays submission will give tommorows reply…
To what will I submit to today? To what will we abandon to?
because,
He Will Save Us…
“If something is truly dead it cannot revive itself. You can’t pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep going. I tried for many years, by brute force, to keep moving.” — One of Those.
I must say this is an impressive thing to say. After I posted my comment this morning I was talking to some folks about it. I got the usual christian platitudes that I have come to expect over the years as I have discussed some of my stuff.
It is funny how rare it is to come by a Christian that knows real life problems aren’t solved with simplistic answers and try harder statements.
Its surprising how many believers put on their Mr Fix-it hat when someone poses a problem to them.
It is an experienced believer that has learned that listening provides more healing than a lot of prayers and bible verses.
“Something all along was dying in me. Then when I was dead, he came and gave life. ” — One of Those.
I have often thought through this process that struggling to stay alive might actually be hampering the necessary process of death and resurrection the Lord wants. Only until we die, can we be resurrected. Which can relate back to my first point. Sometimes when we see people struggling with some issue, we may not be looking at a problem to solve, but the death throes of someone’s ways.
“I will pray that you too may have that spark of revival with God. In so doing, I also pray that you far exceed any measure of relationship with Him you’ve known in your life up until now.” — One of Those.
This is sweet. Thank you.
Thank you so much for bloging this.
I found this maybe a week or two ago, and it seems that every time you write it speaks directly into whats happening in my life, and I know that every time I become discuraged, everytime I want to stop going forward, I read this and it propels me to keep striving. Thank you again, in particular this blog has really spoken to me that the things in my life that I want to hold onto just arn’t worth it.
Blessings and Peace!
The following scripture popped out this morning as I was pondering what you said about “illusions.”
John 3:19-21 “This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.”
Addicted to illusion because of a fear of pain and exposure.
And then I thought of Luke 7:23
And blessed (happy– with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, apart from outward conditions–and to be envied) is he who takes no offense in Me and who is not hurt or resentful or annoyed or repelled or made to stumble [ whatever may occur].
How frequently we take offense when our God illusions become dis - illusioned. Paul seems to have undergone a major dis - illusion on the road to Damascus - yet it served the Kingdom well. Let’s keep pressing on and not let every evil work have it’s place when we “crash and burn,” or in other words, when we take offense.
Brian, Love & Prayers to you always… stay strong…keep the faith…God does have a beautiful wonderful purpose for you… we, as in me, sometimes (most of the time) don’t know what it is either, I’ve been sidetracked kicked down stepped on (allemotionally ) BUT DANG IT HURT……but I do know for sure no matter what the enemy tries to do ,that little rascal,God so loves you & me just because we love Him… Let that wonder and beauty he has bestowed upon you shine through whatever fog of disillusionment there might be…BREAK THROUGH…YOU CAN DO IT!!!!…HE WILL BE THERE WITH YOU ALL THE WAY!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE TO YOU…HE LOVES YOU SO SO SO SO SOOOOO MUCH….LOVE HIM BACK..!!!YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
HAND OVER THAT HEAVY YOKE AND SEE WHAT THE LORD CAN DO!!!!! HE WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU AND MAKE YOU WHOLE AGAIN!!!!! GLORY GLORY GLORY!!!!!!
Oh that I might hear and see you clearly my LORD, so as not to build an image of you in my mind that is more me, than you. My longing is to be so close to you that there is no misinterpretation of your being. Please help me to grow in maturity so that I truely am changed from ‘glory to glory’
Search me oh GOD and reveal. I know that your judgements are never condemning, only revealing, and ‘ lead me in the way everlasting’
Your loving son
I’m with Shirley. Thanks for talking about this by the way. I think we all have questions and discussions about this topic that not many want to talk about because it doesn’t sound positive. It’s raw. It doesn’t matter how long or how far we are into our commitment with God we still often have to face horrible uncertainties. I’m a missionary and my whole life is God and yet I’m in a season where its difficult to talk to him because I have to face all the pain inside when I’m intimate with him.
I’m in a time right now where I don’t know if I’m deceived or not. I received a word from God about 5 years ago that was confirmed by every leader/prophet over me and numerous vision/dream/word types. I have five years worth of quiet time with God in my journals full of encouragment in this area. I was willing to believe this word til the end and still am. But it looks like right now that its all falling apart around me and it hurts so bad I feel knumb…because I have this assurance in my heart that everything is ok and God will come through, it was his promise after all, but in the natural if something doesn’t change in a month then I was horribly deceived and to those who don’t know my heart i look like a fool. I only wanted what God wanted for me and his truth in my life from the beginning. I long to grow in the prophetic and my trust in God’s voice, not be so crushed that I can barely hold on. But their is one truth I think we have to hold onto and that can be our compass even when we are in that place of uncertainty-God loves us-wants the best for us-He is faithful-and that if he would go through so much trouble to rescue us and reveal himself to us-then he will continue to give everything he has so that we can be where he is. Of that I am sure-I am not deceived. Its like an infallible truth.
I want this time of pain to take me to where I’m willing to ask those scary questions and learn more about those raw sides of God. Questions like how far does man’s will go into the prophetic and when does God’s sovereignty step in when people are involved in your destiny etc… What is God doing in me and for others through this.
But I understand the hopeless feelings- when you do everything right and in the right spirit and you put all your hope on the table-there’s no words to express how much you pray that those heart rending years weren’t all an illusion. And worst of all that your relationship with God, all those times alone with him, the most precious thing you have, is real and not some illusion you fancied up in your head.
I’m new here. I’ve been lurking here on this blog for awhile now. Something in this message triggered something my spirit.
Many in the body of Christ are going through this disillusionment. Disillusions with the church, religion, religious ideas. I too went through this period of disillusionment…in the cave of Adullam. I stopped caring about everything. Not Jesus, of course, but the religious trappings that came with the system of church. I thought for sure I was lost or had become like the Laodicean church. I’m back and more on fire than ever. Not in the system of church, but with a heart burning to “do” the Kingdom and experience His Glory!
What a painful process indeed, but a VERY necessary one. As humans we complicate things too much. As the Lord breaks down these illusions we can see the simplicity of His love for us and know Him more. I do not mean to make light of what He has done for us - it goes beyond explanation.
There needs to be a death in order for there to be a rebirth. Wheat does not grow until it first dies and the seed falls to the ground. I’m convinced that there isn’t pain with the dying itself but our resistance to the process that causes the pain. Though I’m not too sure in our human state we can fully avoid the resistance. If its possible, I’d sure like to learn.
Blessings.
Correction to the previous post…
Not just “experience His Glory”, but LIVE in It.
Assume nothing. Assumption is one root of an illusion. Never think you defintely know something. That is often pride based. As soon as I do that God brings along something outside of my experience and I have to realise I don’t really know all that much. Eat humble pie whenever it’s given to you.
I am sure now that I’ve said this I will have a week of eating humble pie and knowing nothing….Oh well!
Wow JP, this changes everything, including what it means to be a “success.” A lot of what I’ve read on success and sales seems to want to engender illusions and unrealistic expectations.
I also think this post ties into previous ones about heresy hunters (for one thing) and for me. What is our (my) trust in? Their or my so-called perfect theology (for me, not even close to perfect)? That we think we have accurate perceptions? For me this is scary, not trusting that I just have accurate perceptions and therefore I’m okay (illusion). Proverbs 3:5,6 comes to mind, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding, in all your ways ackowledge Him and He will direct your path.
It’s almost like I think I’m standing on this stout lifeguard chair above this little puddle, when in fact I’m on this flimsy, matchstick like structure over a vast ocean, and then it crumbles and I’m in the ocean bobbing up and down, wondering what just happened.
Blessings to you JP,thanks for sharing and dealing with uncomfortable issues.
Dennis
Illusions are limitations we form from unrealistic expectations.
Can you give an example of this? Unrealistic expectations of whom? Ourselves? Others? God???
I have crashed and burned through out my 25+ years as a Christian.I have been so tempted to give up after each time, but where would I go? He is determined to see what He has begun “to completion”. It does hurt and during the burn, I question His love, but afterwards, in the morning after the weeping, He shows me something of Himself that keeps we wanting more of Him. I am weeping now, not because I am enduring a crash, but because He has shown Himself faithful over and over and over and that is why I am willing to endure those dark times (with a fair amount of whining). John Paul, my illusions have got to be broken/destroyed. He loves me too much to let me rest in my own understanding. Or maybe He just enjoys watching the “Ah Ha!” moments that follow the burn.
HELLO John Paul Some times I wonder if most of what I believe is and illusion. Just think all that Israel did in the OT isent required today. Sooo in the future things may change again. The only thing I know for shure in GOD exist and HE loves us.
Thank you for sharing so transparently, John Paul. You are right - wisdom awaits us on the other side.
–Renae
http://www.renaebrumbaugh.com
What I love about your posts is the real feel and depth to them. Thanks for making this a safe place.
So, does disillusionment land in the soul or the spirit? It is different than disappointment, yes?
What comes to mind, reading about the crashes, is, Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
The grass withers, and the flowers fade. May your words always be filled with His light so they too, may remain. Tanya
Unrealistic expectations keeps you from living in reality.It also keeps from the truth and deeper revelation of God. Unrealistic expectations almost always ends in deception which is very painful. When you come out on the other side the wisdom of God and the revelation of the ways of God are far greater than the pain. It is like the birth of a baby once you look into the face of that beautiful creation you immediately forget the pain. So it is when you look into the face of Jesus and forget the pain of deception. You become greatful for the wisdom you have attained.
would be nice to see a paragraph on distinguishing between disillusionment and lack/loss of hope. Misty Edwards sings, “Shatter the Illusion”, she is talking about something else, but in looking at places of justice, destiny, and etc…,whether it is personal or corporate, when liberal agendas prevail you wonder what the real deal is.
My name is Aaron Jackson. I am the son of John Paul. I felt the need to write a response to all of you who have responded to my fathers blog site. I knew my father was inspirational to many people around the world but I’m not sure that it ever ‘hit home’ till I read some of your responses. I would like to thank all of you for your honest views about this topic. All of us have been disillusioned in our lives. Through prayer and God’s love do we make it through these tough times. May God’s love comfort you all. And to may dad, in front of all of you, I love you and may God continue to bless you and Diane. I love you both.
Aaron
But what if your disillusionment comes from those who are to represent God in the church but hurt you???? How is that having an illusion? Aren’t churches supposed to be a picture of their God?
You are writing my song and playing my tune..I am about to turn 59 and finally threw in the towel. Living out of illusions of ones self is soooo exhausting! I get freer by the day! Its a great way to Know God and yourself…letting go when the flesh wants to live is very difficult sometimes. But when you have no place to go but up it makes it easy…Thanks
is this saying that the things in life that you think god is saying to you, even having had dreams of them that you think came from God but seem to have not happened and look not very possible, like dreaming about a future husband that you never had feelings for ,people made comments, but you never had feelings for them and having dreams that seemed to say there might be a relationship one day over like a 4-5 yr period always saying no about the person then you just okay if this is what God is saying and then they get married and your like what did all this mean what was God saying, anything. why did i dream these things was it just me? I am learnig that you cannot put God in a box He will always surprise you.
Dear Paul,
There are a couple of dreams that God gave me that warned me about what was going to happen to me.
About 2 weeks befor( holy heck happened) I had a dream that quoted scripture to me-Amos 7:12 funny thing was that chapter was exactly how my church was treating me about prophecy. Spoke to my pastor about prophecy and he said it was ok to speak them and to step out in faith and on the other he was insecure with it.
Anyway, so it happened, I stayed up all night fasting and praying and went to church and had a unction to get to church and pray. So that is what I did, then durring worship at church a girl and I had a prophetic word and it was so cool.It was the first time she had ever spoke a prophetic word, it was beautifully song. Her word was exactly what I was praying that the people would cry out to God day and night, and she said that what I said was exactly what she had been praying for. And a ton of people came up for prayer and were weeping and turning to Jesus it was so amazing. Then my pastor got up and apologized.
He came to see me the next day to tell me that nine people had complained that I spoke too loud ,out of about 200 or 250 people. I said that Jesus spoke loud sometimes. And then he said he had a dream a night befor that sunday and he said in the dream he was trying to run up to the front to stop all that was going on and the harder he tried to get to the front the harder it was to get there. Like he was running in very slow motion and that something was preventing him.
After that I had a nother dream that my pastor and everyone was on a bus and I was not dressed for it and I got on the bus and said hey guess what the Elijah spirit is here isn’t that cool, they didn’t care and said the bus was going to go in a certain direction and I said well I have to go get dressed and got off the bus but when I got off the bus I didn’t want to get back on so I found different things to do to miss it.
We (my husband and I ) went to a leaders meeting my pastor said that the bus he was on was going in a different dirrection, my husband and I couldn’t believe it that he said exactly what was dreamed.
We are still in communion with our pastor but we ended up leaving the church, we never spoke a word about it. We told one couple that was very close to us so we could have prayer and that was it. We had them promise they wouldn’t speak about that with anyone else.
this is just exactly what ive been through last week. i totally crashed and burned. i went out of the experience not angry, but it surely left me scratching my head in confusion. thanks for the post!
I can neither add or take anything away frome what you said. It is funny, because only minutes before clicking on this site, God had broken an illusion I had been dealing with. I thank god for the revelation of His word and for the clarity you used to explain it. This was a right now word for me. Thank you for sharing. Indeed, it is humbling.